Postcards from Insanity
by Madame Band Geek
Summary: Give a writer a word, and out comes a story. Strange and unrelated happenings in the Titan's lives play out in this collection as I see fit. Be warned: once you enter, you will never be the same. It's been a month. So shoot me.
1. Rocket

Postcards from Insanity

Rocket

* * *

"Not again."

"What?"

"Please, Beastboy, do not tell me that you are buying that stupid, childish rocket."

"What, Raven, you mean the one with vinegar and baking soda?"

"Yes! It's going to make a freaking mess, and guess who's gonna hafta clean it up?"

"Um… you are?"

"Most likely."

"Okay."

"…"

"…"

"Can I buy that rocket now?"

"NO!"

"But Rae, it's just a simple little rocket!"

"Just a simple little- aargh!"

"Geez, Rae, do you have to go all scary-red-demon eyes on me?"

"Oh, shut up. My name isn't Rae and my eyes aren't red. They're _amethyst_."

"Oooh, technical, red-eyed-Rae."

"You know, if you weren't so adorable I'd probably kill you."

"You think I'm adorable?"

"Yes."

"… so what are you going to do rather than kill me?"

"Throw you out the nearest window."

"Wait, Rae, are you serio-_AAAAAH_!"

"Ha. Serves you right."

"Rae, did you throw Beastboy out the window again?"

"Can it, Cyborg, or you're next."


	2. Kangaroo

Postcards from Insanity

_ Kangaroo_

* * *

Cyborg looked in the washing machine and freaked. He screamed like a girl. He shut the washing machine door and then seemed to calm down.

He opened it again and screamed.

He continued to scream and scream.

They-it was hideous- it was horrendous! The mere sight of them scalded Cyborg's eyeballs.

When he closed his eyes he was going to see them. For the rest of his miserable, long, long, terrible, _aching_ life!

To own them must have been the eighth deadly sin.

No man, boy, or overly hormonal teenage guy should wear them.

Let alone buy them.

God forbid he bought them with his own money.

(Well, it could be immoral to spend Jump City's money on them, too.)

What kind of store would carry such a thing?

_ Willingly?_

Cyborg refused to touch them. He would take them out with metal tongs and a gasmask.

Better yet, every Titan, from now on, should do their own laundry.

He was going to campaign to Robin.

But first, he was going to let Beastboy have it.

Oh, good Lord! Speak of the devil!

"Dude! What are you doing with my plaid-pink-and-yellow kangaroo boxers?"


	3. Belt

Postcards from Insanity

_ Belt_

* * *

Everyone knew that Robin's utility belt was sacred and _not to be touched_. Ever. Under any circumstances.

The rest of the Titans could only imagine what was in it. What kind of wonders did that utility belt hold?

Cyborg might say that it holds pictures of his past girlfriends, then only chuckle and add that he's never had any because his obsession with Slade takes up all his time.

Beastboy would agree with Cyborg. Yes, his obsession with Slade did take up all his time. He probably sleeps with Slade's mask under his pillow. I bet there are all sorts of Slade-trackers in there.

Raven would roll her eyes at Beastboy. Idiot, it's probably momentos from his past. And spare masks. Does he ever take them off? He must have one awkward tan line.

Starfire would get stars in her eyes, but only reprimand her friends. Friends, it is Robin's things and we are not to touch them because they are sacred. Maybe someday he will let us see what is inside.

No, the rest of the Titans would chorus, He wouldn't.

Yes, Starfire would inisit, he would!

Starfire would never give up hope on her… ah… Robin.

Besides, she already knew what the sacred belt holds. And, like everything else in life, it was the ultimate blackmail.


	4. Photograph

Postcards from Insanity

_ Photograph_

* * *

Raven had a scrapbook of things under her bed.

It held ticket stubs from movies, including the horrifying but strangely interesting reenactment of their lives.

Whoever wrote it were out of their _freaking minds_.

Her and Beastboy? Together? HA!

Ha…

So, maybe they struck too close to home from Raven's taste.

Aside from ticket stubs, it was also filled with photographs.

Beastboy had numerous self-portraits of himself as well as Cyborg.

There was a picture of Robin in a pink dress.

There was a picture of Robin, asleep, with a cookie stuffed in his snoring mouth.

Was Robin the _only_ one they tortured?

Oh, wait, here was Beastboy in a skintight orange dress.

And a picture of Cyborg in a tutu…

Starfire takes pictures of everything: squirrels, birds, sidewalks, couches, pencils, and random people on the street.

Raven dropped the next picture like her hand was on fire.

Where did _this_ come from?

It was her and Beastboy in a not-exactly-friends position.

They were holding hands.

Who took this picture anyway?

Raven smiled and tucked it away.

Someday she'd tell him.


	5. Reporter

Postcards from Insanity

_ Reporter_

* * *

Raven hated reporters.

They were very, very aggravating.

For example:

_ 3:30am, Friday morning. Raven is fast asleep…_

_ Ring, ring._

_ Ring, ring._

_ Raven shifts in her sleep._

_ Ring, ring._

_ Raven wakes up. _

_ Ring, ring!_

_ Raven lays in her bed for a moment..._

_ RINGRINGRINGRING!_

_ Annoyed, Raven picks up the phone and manages a bleary "Hello?"_

"_Hi, this is Cindy Watergate from the Jump-"_

"_It's three o'clock in the frickin' morning."_

"_Oh, is this Raven speaking? Oh, hi, Raven? Listen, I wanted to ask you some ques-"_

_ Raven hangs up on her. _

Oh yes, Raven loathed reporters.

"_RAVEN! Who do you like better? Prince William or Jay-Z?"_

"_Raven, do you like men with muscles or men without?"_

"_Raven, what is your favorite beauty product, and would you like to have a free sample of this Maybelline?"_

"_Raven!"_

"_Raven!"_

"_Raven!"_

"_Raven!"_

It never changes. Ever.

Not even throwing them into the nearest trashcan would shut them up. The restraining orders were piling up on both sides.

Worst of all… _"Raven, are you dating Beastboy?"_

"_No."_

"_Raven, are you and Beastboy a couple?"_

"_No."_

"_Are you dating Beastboy?"_

"_NO!"_

** JC WATCH REPORTS: BEASTBOY AND RAVEN JUMP'S NEWEST COUPLE!**

Raven dropped her head onto the table. Beastboy slunk up beside her and left a kiss on her cheek.

"Looks like they finally got something right, didn't they?"


	6. Streetlight

Postcards from Insanity

Streetlight

* * *

_ Meet me under the streetlight in the park_, the note said. _We'll meet there tonight, away from our leader. Finally we get to be alone together! _

_ Make sure you bring the blanket and I'll bring the food._

_ This picnic will be great!_

_ Don't forget, the streetlight in Jump Park!_

Raven rolled her eyes. Trust Beastboy to forget to mention which streetlight it was.

* * *


	7. Video

Postcards from Insanity

Video

* * *

"Is this all we're going to do all night?"

"Yeah! Of course. Don't you like horror movies, Rae?"

"It's Raven. And no, I don't think The Ring counts as a horror movie."

"Well, it's the best I could do on short notice."

"Didn't you ever hear of Hitchcock?"

"Who's he?"

"Never mind."

"…"

"…"

"Beastboy, what are you doing behind the couch?"

"I'm… ah… er… picking up the remote!"

"Beastboy, the remote's right here."

"Oh, silly me!"

"You're scared, aren't you?"

"No I'm not!"

"Yeah, you are. You don't have to do this for me, you know."

"But Rae… we're… an item… and…"

"It doesn't matter. C'mon, let's watch something funny instead."

"Like what?"

"I was thinking Monty Python and the Holy Grail."

"What's that?"

"Only one of the greatest movies ever made."

* * *


End file.
